Blackbird stood up and examined the sub-machine gun Arc has handled him, it seemed adequate. He nodded at Arc and smiled briefly, perhaps to reassure her that it is going to be alright - perhaps to reassure himself. The entire scene felt off to Blackbird, and he felt as if some manipulative and cynical man, has taken over his judgement. "It is almost like it is someone else pulling my strings..." he thought.
The broken young mage could not comprehend how he felt so comfortable with a Vory commander like Nikolai. One who tortured and killed with no emotional connection. Oddly enough, Nikolai had something that non of his other colleagues had, emotional restraint, control, detachment. Blackbird could not hate the man - he was a sociopath - but still had some good qualities.
"Have I no fear left in me?" he thought and the thought is cold, alien almost.
"One can only read Nietzsche for the first time once..." he remembered himself explaining - but the person that so passionately said that - was not himself. Not the one that feels comfortable around Nikolai and Yelena and Arc and... no Jed was something different. That man would have been comfortable with Jed.
"Unless one has Alzheimer" said Agrat but Blackbird could barely hear her voice. She was a whisper or a mirage. Had Blackbird not known her already, he'd dismiss that fraction of a thought as a figment of his own imagination. Actually conversing with Agrat felt incomprehensible - and the thought of making love to that tiny voice seemed unrealistic. "Perhaps I really am a different person... " Thought Blackbird and there was deep sadness in that thought. Blackbird felt as if he lost something very dear for him but could not place the finger on exactly what was lost.
He got ready professionally, his reagents and comb were safely stored in his armored suit. The sub-machine gun was neatly placed inside his coat. It created a bulge that sharp observers would identify as a small weapon - but that imperfection did not particularly disturbe Blackbird as nobody expected him to be unarmed during an illegal criminal transaction that is worth millions.