[HUMOR] Quote File

  • 9 Replies


  • *
  • Prime Runner
  • *****
  • Posts: 2881
« on: (22:45:01/12-14-14) »
Okay, there used to be this great site that had user submitted quotes from Shadowrun games.  I was going to put this one that just came out in my New Beginnings game on there and I couldn't find it again.  I also couldn't believe there wasn't one going already here, it is always fun to crack jokes when your life is on the line! :)

Anyway, here's the idea.  GM's immortalize those humor awards here so we can all enjoy them.  If you remember a good one from a game, post it.  Everyone needs a goods reason for a rictus grin.

Without further ado, here is the line that almost made me piss myself about a half hour ago.

O'Connor smirked, "About three weeks back, eight of us woke up one morning completely naked and in various states of bondage. We didn't know who everyone else was, or why we were all out there. In the end we found out that we pulled a job in the Tir, and that getting captured and dosed with laes was part of the plan. So fair warning, utter humiliation and defeat counts as success for this team."


  • *
  • Chummer
  • **
  • Posts: 174
« Reply #1 on: (11:39:06/12-15-14) »
we were playing Dawn of the Artifacts, the one where the players are in Lagos

so they enter their hotel room and I played the managers who said : no bugs in room, no bug. At which point they see this big ass cockroach who crawl from one wall to the other. And this fat chameleon/iguana shot his tongue at it. "See ! Bug free !! said the Manager

everybody know what I'm talking about ? Anyway, the Troll Street Sam fall in love with the little fat guy and start carrying it around on the run. They called it : JuJu. Just before the run Frosty said to them "prepare your things we're going after this". The Street Sam said : Can I keep it ? (Is a troll street sam even if someone want to try to stop it, He will kill it with is pinky, literally he was a Wildcat practitioner) They go to the auction and they don't get the map, they start following the guy who have it, kick his ass, take the map, etc. The AzTech team star shooting at them, they're pin in cover and don't know how to get out. The street sam step up and say to the mage : "Drop all your sustain spell ! NOW !" take JuJu in is hand "now can you make an illusion spell to make JuJu look exactly like the map case ?" This done, he throw JuJu at the AzTech Team and wait to someone be bite by an angry lizard.

they never got to keep JuJu


  • *
  • Newb
  • *
  • Posts: 13
« Reply #2 on: (15:09:43/12-15-14) »
The GM was playing up the Shaman's viewpoint on magic in a  IC discussion with our group. The Shamen asked our Chaos magician how he viewed spirits/what he thought made his magic work. His reply was

" I have no clue i do what feels right, and my magic is fueled by my own ignorance."

 The Shamen had no further questions.


  • *
  • Omae
  • ***
  • Posts: 421
  • If you run, you'll only die tired.
« Reply #3 on: (00:01:10/12-16-14) »
On their last mission that involved taking out an aztech military base (posing as renraku), the face and the decker used mounted guns in full auto to put a happy face in the gate, complete with forehead bullet wound. They didn't have time to add the dripping blood, but they had fun doing it.
Spooky, what do you do this pass? Shoot him with my thunderstruck gauss rifle. (Rolls)  8 hits. Does that blow his head off?


  • *
  • Errata Coordinator
  • Prime Runner
  • *****
  • Posts: 2980
  • Scraping the bottom of the Resonance Barrel
    • Moth's Mad Path
« Reply #4 on: (13:05:08/12-16-14) »
A phrase I've entered to the Tumblr blog "Out of Context D&D Quotes" (which includes other games) is thus:

"You get the sinking suspicion no more people will fit in the Porta-Potty."

The group's troll was robbing people on their bathroom breaks to get passes to the concert they were loitering around.  Then he stuffed them in toilets.
I'm Madpath Moth on reddit (and other sites).  Feel free to PM me errata questions!
Jeeze.  It would almost sound stupid until you realize we're talking about an immortal elf clown sword fighting a dragon ghost in a mall.


  • *
  • Prime Runner
  • *****
  • Posts: 2737
« Reply #5 on: (13:07:37/12-16-14) »
One of my favorites is after our decker got dumpshocked by failing (miserably; he got beat every roll) to do Matrix legwork before a run.

"I'm glad I have Photographic Memory to remember how badly I messed up." He was honest too.
SpeechThoughtMatrix/E-mail/TextingAstralSub-vocal, Whisper

Allergies' Thread


  • *
  • Freelancer
  • Chummer
  • *****
  • Posts: 193
« Reply #6 on: (21:51:11/12-16-14) »
Myself, playing a rigger, and our street sam are recovering in a Doc Wagon hospital. We get tasked with investigating the morgue of the hospital we're in, as we need to find a specific corpse. Naturally, this is our Doc Wagon hospital - they know who were are, have samples of us, have us in their custody right freaking now. So, my character is VERY concerned about pulling this off silently and quietly without being caught.

We we to the morgue and enter the room. There is a morgue technician there. Our stealth roll doesn't go so well, so he spots us. I am about to start making up a story when our Street Sam says: "I shoot him."

Aghast, I say "NO, we need to be stealthy!"

The Sam player looks at me and nods. He looks back to the GM. "Right. I shoot him in the lungs, that way he can't scream".
My Shadowrun Pinterest collections: Landscape and Characters
My Shadowrun works

Herr Brackhaus

  • *
  • Prime Runner
  • *****
  • Posts: 3042
« Reply #7 on: (00:46:12/12-17-14) »
The Sam player looks at me and nods. He looks back to the GM. "Right. I shoot him in the lungs, that way he can't scream".
Hah, that's awesome and a little bit terrifying all at the same time. Good one.


  • *
  • Prime Runner
  • *****
  • Posts: 3838
« Reply #8 on: (07:01:13/12-20-14) »
This isn't shadowrun, but I think it can stay here nevertheless.  It's Alternity Darkmatter and the group was searching for a couple of their comrades who had been kidnapped.  They had found an address and were loading up to go hunting.  Their base of operations was at that time (they are a mobile team) the antiquities and rare book collection in Barcelona.

Player1 (ex-spetsnaz commando): "Do you have any claymore's here?" (referring to the land mine).
Facility chief (played by me, the evil GM): "Of course we do, just one moment."  Comes back with a 2-handed sword.
"Magic can turn a frog into a prince. Science can turn a frog into a Ph.D. and you still have the frog you started with." Terry Pratchett
"I will not yield to evil, unless she's cute"


  • *
  • Freelancer
  • Mr. Johnson
  • *****
  • Posts: 10965
  • Spouter of Random Words
    • CanRay's Artistic Work
« Reply #9 on: (12:52:14/12-20-14) »
"I got a bus."

I really, really, really figured the group would know this wasn't something they wanted to mess with when their Fixer contact mentioned it.  He is, after all, an Irish Terrorist in 2075, and the rest of his Irish buddies were scared of the damned thing...

Luckily, someone "disarmed" the bus by shooting out the windows while it was autodriving to its target.  One of my players later calculated the damage, and figured out that, yes, they actually were in the blast radius.
Si vis pacem, para bellum