Shadowrun General > Fan fiction

This Is Only A Test


Usda Beph:
Once again I'd like to post up a quick story of our team in action. To all those that I am writing about, Hope you enjoy my butchery!

This Is Only A Test

Oh maker why am I waking up this early in the day? It's not even Noon yet!"


"Oh wat da Drek is dat?"

"Hey baby, aren't you going to answer your link?"

"Hunh? Who iz dis slitch?"


"You said that out loud you Wank. Hello? Who? Hold on. Hey baby, someone's asking for Coderizon on your link, I thought your name was Caldusion?"

"Da, it is, I use Code for my day job." Code lied as he reached over, fumbled for a moment with some fleshy parts on the woman as he tried to get his link from her.



"Eef I don't owe you cred, wat can I do for you?" Code groggily asked.

"Code it's me Dust. We have a job from a Mr. Johnson, its tonight. If you are interested meet me The Phoenix House at noon." The link went dead.

"Drek, hey whaz yer name?" Code asked the woman next to him.

"Natalia" she purred.

"K, thank you Nat for what probably was really great night, now get out." Code groaned and tapped a hit of Cram into his snuff bullet the taste of cat piss registered in his brain as he snorted the drug. "Da what the Drek did I do dis time?"

Later that morning Usda was riding around the burbs circling the Phoenix House a few times looking for anything suspicious. That is something suspicious besides an over three meter tall Minotaur on a Hog circling a city block for half an hour. "Smooth" Dust thought as he rolled his eye. "I wonder if he even noticed the probable enforcer across the street from the restaurant. Doubt it. Thank Ghu he's as strong as a hurricane."

Dust went into the restaurant first; his traditional black Fedora tipped forward a bit and his black leather trencher unbelted, showing his out fit to be like himself, nondescript.  Black slacks and a black dress shirt, slightly wrinkled but not unsightly.

Behind him walked Nestor the "dwarf". He wore a brown leather coat over his furry frame. Yeah poor Halfer was hit hard by the Surge, turned his stubby body into something all fur covered. He looked sorta like a character from vintage comic books, The Beast, only he was short and light brown not blue. He was smoking a big fat stinky cigar, which did nothing to dispel the look of him being totally out of place here.

Then there was Coderizon. All thin and lanky in that drugged out two thirds dead look. He had perfected through long term use of Cram. He even shuffled along like a creepy zombie twitching, fidgeting and chewing his already raw finger tips every few minutes. Combine that with his ever present "Who gives a Fek" scowl and Code just made you want to look anywhere else but at him.

Bringing up the rear was Usda. As he stepped into the restaurant the place fell silent. It stretched out for a few seconds, Seattle has seen all kinds of Meta types, and Trolls are not uncommon, but there are only a handful of Minotaur on the whole North American continent. Usda was a rare sight, and he was big. He stood just over three metes tall and weighed a massive three hundred and eight kilos, and those kilos were mostly from muscles the size of bridge cables that rippled with unhidden might. He sniffed the air and his meter long horns scraped the ceiling, "Mmmmmm, Sushi! He unbuttoned his jacket and exposed his NuZoot outfit. Not the latest in contemporary urban Asian-wear, but the black and red simsilk was very well suited to the dark umber of Usda's fur.

Dust approached the hostess and announced, "Smith… party of five."

"Hai, your omae is already seated, please follow Me." the ork hostess quietly spoke. The hostess seemed to glide in that way only the most practiced Geisha did when they walked. "Your Omae awaits." She gracefully bowed and disappeared back to the front of the restaurant.

The dining room was decorated with warm teak wood tables and bright gold colored cushions. Paper lanterns lined the walls adding their flickering glow to the beautiful decor. In the far corner there sat a very well dress blue skinned Oni! As he was the only person sitting in the dining room, determining who our contact was turned out to be pretty easy.

Our contact rose with grace unusual for someone of his size, "Gentlemen, welcome, please be seated and join me for some Saki and good stories."

Everything about this Johnson shouted class and Nuyen. From his Laurentine de Lion executive suit to his platinum and gold Novado watch, this guy reeked of corporate money, which meant we stood a good chance of getting paid if we took the job and we didn't get double crossed.

We walked up to the table and we sat ourselves so that Code was directly a crossed from our Mr. Johnson. Setting him up as our face. When he realized his predicament he began twitching a little and you could see the look of death flow from him towards us. English was Codes third language five times removed, which was to say he does not speak the language to good.

"Goud afternoon, my name ees Khodairizon. Iz plehzure to meet you. meester Jhonson." Code carefully enunciated.

"Oh my. He's your negotiator?" Mr. Johnson asked sympathetically as he looked around the table.

From beneath the brim of his hat Dust answered, "Yeah, he has the most negotiation experience of us."

The Oni looked at Code and smiled as he shrugged, "Ok then. I represent a small business enterprise which is planning on storing some sensitive equipment in a warehouse nearby. We have highered a security team but they don't have a long résumé and I would like for you to test their level of competence."

"Youwantforustobreakintoyourwarehouse?" Coderizon asked as he twitched.

"Um… Yes, precisely." Mr. Johnson smiled

"How badly we allowed hurting yur mhen?"

"Ah yes, well if they are permanently harmed it would make it more difficult for them to guard our products." The Johnson said.

"Pity, subdue only. How many mhen we luking at?"

"There are twelve men scheduled per shift, three eight hour shifts."

"Bery gud. Wat wheapons dey karry?"

"Basic pistols, Ares Predators"

"Gud pisstol. That not gud for us."

"That is why I am offering 5,000 Nuyen per member of your team, as a hazardous duty pay."

"Hazordus for who?"

"So do you want the job? I have others who I can call."

Code looked around at his teammates, each giving a barely perceived nod.

"We'll do yur job." Code said as he looked back at Mr. Johnson.

"Excellent, I will upload everything you will need to your links. Don't worry, this will be easy."

Usda mumbles, "Famous last words."


Usda had once again done several drive bys of the warehouse they were to break into. And Code was hiding in an alley across the street. The first thing that the team noticed was that there was no security outside the building except a 3 meter tall chain link fence with a spool of Concertina wire on top. There were eight buildings side by side and at the back of each building was another warehouse. No dark alleys between the buildings at all. Usda opened his link to the groups open channel.

"Well gang, we probably will have to go in the front door. Although the block of warehouses look vacant." Usda yelled over his Scorpion's engine roar.

"Nyet. We cood get in from tird floor windows. Viry kool entrance. Pew pew pew!" Code said while making gun-like gestures.

Yeah, but that would mean us getting up there and we don't know if there is roof access." Dust added.

"Well we aren't finding out a damn thing hiding in a garbage dumpster. I'm going in." Nestor grumbled.

Shaking his head Dust said, "Fine, I'll check out the building on the right."

The two Runners just walked across the street to the warehouses on either side of the target and walked up to the doors.

Like many of the buildings in lower Seattle the buildings looked alike and a warehouse was a warehouse here. Large three story buildings with a double sliding door about eight meters wide combined. In the right door there is a standard door to let people in and out without having to open the transport doors. Both men encountered the doors being locked and both men proceeded to pick the locks then entered the buildings.

The buildings were both large, mostly open spaces as warehouses tend to be. They were both cluttered with scaffolding and packing crates. They were old forgotten crates by the amount of dust and cobwebs covering them. The wall that would contact the "target" had stairways that went to the roof, both men climbed their stairs carefully. Both Nestor and Dust reached the top and had to pick their respective maintenance doors to get to the roof.

Once on the roof Dust said, "Well the roof is unused and our map is off. Near the center of the target roof, we have what looks like a shack two by two meter the door is facing west and looks locked since there is junk in front of the door."

"Ok since you got the roof, I'll go look out back see if we can give these Jokers some backdoor action." Nestor addressed Dust as he waved to him from his roof.

Usda groaned, "Did you have to go there Nest?"

""Why you getting horny Usda?" Nestor quipped.

"Back on topic you two, the door up here is locked." Dust was saying, "Correction was locked."

"Hey if there is a chance to, wire a flash-bang to the door." Usda interjected

"Y do dat?" Inquired Coderizon

"Well it'll give the guard who may open it a big surprise."  Usda explained

"Nah, there's no stairs going in." Dust added.

"Ok." Usda said. There was a hint of dejection in his voice.

'Maybe he's feeling like a load of dead weight'' Dust thought to himself as he set up his Ultrasound scanner. The scanner pinged the building and gave Dust the information he was looking for, "Well scanner shows eight, probably human, guards walking around or sitting down, but there are a couple "rooms" set up and the scanner vague about that."

"All right then we need to figure Johnson was right and add those other four guards just to be safe." Usda said his confidence returning. "Hey Nest, What are you doing? You've been quiet."

I've been cutting my way in a cargo box that’s blocking the backway and I need to concentrate, thanks, bye." Nestor replied over the hiss of a cutting torch.

"That gives me a good idea!" Usda said excitedly. "Dust do you got a good field of fire from that roof?"

"Yeah, pretty good. What are you thinking?"

"We'll, let the halfer rig up an explosion at the back of the building, Code and I go in the front door about five seconds after the boom." Usda explained.

"And I shoot the fish in a barrel when they get spooked by both distractions. Nice" Dust smiled.

"Nyet, I will come in through window above buildink. Cul splashy entrance, da?" Coderizon asked.

"Ok that works. Well, we want to wait till nightfall right?" Usda asked.

Yeah, sounds right." Dust answered.

"I'll go buy some Za and we'll meet back here for some noms before we do this." Usda chuckled. He went over to his Scorpion and sat down and gave it a kick, the engine roared to life echoing off the warehouses. Just then an elderly guard stuck his head out the front door and shouted, "You damb gangers keep it quite! I'm trying to sleep here."

"Dis be like taking kandy from baby." Coderizon chuckled as he snuffed a hit of Cram and spazmed as the drug danced electrically over his poorly wired nerves.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Usda waited till his team signaled being in place, then he carefully placed a flash-pack in the empty pizza box. He was ready to go and exited the adjacent warehouse walking over to the target building, sub vocalized "Ready" to the team and knocked heavily on the warehouse door.

He heard movement behind the corrugated steel door and pumped himself up to put on his best intimidation face.

An average looking human guard stuck his head out the door and looked way up at Usda. As he challenged the massive Minotaur his voice broke into a squeak, "Who… goes… there?"

"Hoi! Buldike Pizza!" Usda bellowed in his most friendly voice.

"We *gulp* didn't order any pizza." The guard stuttered.

Usda cocked his head and hrumphed, "Are you sure? This is the address we got, and this pie's getting cold as we speak."

The guard was starting to get annoyed. Which surprised Usda, not many people could turn down pizza even if it was 99.7% soy. He looked around and leaned in lowering his voice like he was conspiring with the guard, "Hey why don't you just pay me 10 Nuyen take the za and have a treat?"

"I told you already, nobody ordered any pizza in here, grep? Now get lost." The guard shouted at Usda as his spine grew stronger.

As Usda realized he wasn't going to get this guard to take the box from him, he said, "Oh man this is going to be a BLAST.

Suddenly the building shook with an explosion. The guard startled and slammed the door before Usda could react. Getting his composure back Usda signaled Code, "Well that didn't work. Let's go."

Usda heaved back, raising his hoof, kicking out hard. The metal door didn’t stand a chance against Usda's bioware enhanced strength, exploding from it's hinges as the metal crumpled and bent like aluminum foil.

As that was happening Coderizon sprang off the roof and began his repel into the building. He twitched his wired reflexes kick on already accelerated by cram, it cause him to do the Neuronet Shuffle, as the implant tickled its way throughout his Amphetamine stressed nerves. "Thysizgoingtoobekool." Code yelled as he clutched his rope and kicked hard away from the building in a large arc pointing his heels towards the window and began to spin as his reflexes twitched yet again. The "BOOM" of Code's faceplant into the safety glass was drowned out by the clatter of the front door skidding a cross the buildings floor.

A moment later Code walked in the open door shakily as he dusted off his jacket, and straightened himself up, "Dat… didnotgoasplanned. Kan we get more Pizza after dis?" He said as he tried to stop his bloody nose.

Usda had just closed with a guard that was stunned motionless by the dual attack the party had executed. He wrapped his beefy hands around the guard's head and shoulder activating his shock gloves, causing the guards hair to stand on end as several hundred amps shot through his system.

"Hey this plan isn't working so well! I have a fist full of guards in my face… Some help would be nice" Nestor shouted into his link.

The loud bark of a high caliber rifle preceded a guard's eyes glazing over and falling to the ground. "Your prayers have been answered Nestor." Dust calmly spoke through the link. "These gel rounds seem pretty effective."

Usda dropped the guard he shocked and charged to the back of the warehouse. As he passed one of the side offices a burst of small arms fire rang out. Usda felt the hail of bullets impact with his armor but never even staggered as the armor soaked or deflected the deadly projectiles.

Less than two minutes later the security squad was hog tied and stripped to their briefs. The Security report took longer to write than the actual infiltration. As the team was leaving the grounds, they were left with a bad feeling as several "Black Vans" pulled up at the warehouse they had just left unprotected.


The only thing that really struck me was Usda's "meter-long" horns...  (:o 3.28 foot-long horns??? :o)

Usda Beph:

--- Quote from: FastJack on ---Nice!

The only thing that really struck me was Usda's "meter-long" horns...  (:o 3.28 foot-long horns??? :o)

--- End quote ---
Well looking at the Mini I use for him he is probably 3ish of one of his horns ??? Ok more like 4-5. ;D

Maybe he's a Texas Long Horn? :D


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