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bnc's basement

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gilga

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« Reply #45 on: <07-24-18/1250:11> »
Anna laughed, "Well he was quite successful the first time... Got cocky the second time... "
After a short while, she continues "The only one I feel bad for is Eve. I am considering sending her family some money or something. It is not that we are responsible, is that she is the only innocent in this story.

The annoying thing is that Zola is the first person to ever take me to a concert, and serve me with some really good alcohol. It was very special to me, I never had a lover quite like that and I did enjoy my time with him and even sleeping with him. It is strange, whenever I think about classical music, I also think about murder.  What angers me the most is that he ruined classical music for me, I feel selfish saying that...

When I sleep and I wake up screaming, perhaps it is my way to process it. It does not happen every night and Stephan makes me feel safer. I totally agree with anything that you say but it was much to cope with emotionally. I think that I am on the right track, but it takes time for me to recover from something like that."
« Last Edit: <07-24-18/1254:18> by gilga »

Volker

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« Reply #46 on: <07-24-18/1814:04> »
"Sheesh, and I though I'm fucked up. Piece of advice: Don't fuck terrible bloodmages if you can't stomach the guilt of having fucked a terribel bloodmage. It's not as if you hadn't known. Do you know for certain that he geeked Eve? I somehow missed the piece in that hell we were in."
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gilga

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« Reply #47 on: <07-25-18/0419:06> »
She grinned and said "Well, I fuck terrible people... Its a character flaw."
Then she continued "...but it is not guilt, I think that the first time of anything feels kind of special isn't it? Don't you remember fondly your first deck for example?"

Volker

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« Reply #48 on: <07-26-18/0612:38> »
"Do you want to tell me something by that remark?

Oh, oh yes. Renate was my gateway to heaven, my wings!"
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gilga

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« Reply #49 on: <07-26-18/1223:03> »
"So, when I learned to play the guitar... I liked going outside music places and play. Knowing that people might be more generous with their tipping. I dreamed of being inside the building and not on the outside.   That first time for that childish dream is lost for me. All these beautiful memories that now lead to an emotional hole.
 
Maybe it is not the same thing, I don't know... Nevermind if you cannot understand it, it is a poor comparison you being a virtuous decker and me being an amateur musician. "
« Last Edit: <07-26-18/1226:31> by gilga »

Volker

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« Reply #50 on: <07-27-18/0926:27> »
bnc is positively confused. "What's music got to do with you sucking a bloodmage lollipop and then feeling disgusted by it?"
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gilga

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« Reply #51 on: <07-27-18/1032:52> »
"That part again? get over it, he was a reasonable fuck and I was super nervous before that because I never actually been a call girl. I did all sort of strange jobs - but not that one - and he was a powerful mage that could see through the ruse simply by asensing me. I could get caught like any moment of that meeting...  and please, Flatline could not even play the client without any risk to himself. So honestly, I deserve some slack. Given what he was actually like, it was monumentally dangerous and he could just randomly murder me when he was finished.  I wonder how he could be a functioning member of society, with that kind of behavior.

It is not that, we did, got the money and survived. He took me to a concert... a good one!  Perhaps you do not understand how it is to grow up wanting something and never having it. Then you get it, but your mind connects things all wrong. Like you get the deck for the very first time, but what if every time you use it you think of a painful experience that you'd rather suppress deep inside. 

I thought it was a bad analogy because I feel like I can't play anymore, but I doubt you'll ever feel like you don't like to deck anymore. "
« Last Edit: <07-27-18/1044:18> by gilga »

gilga

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« Reply #52 on: <07-29-18/0858:56> »
She enjoyed the Sushi that was served, a large combination with plenty of food. Anna apparently liked to eat, and her new training regime dictated eating quite a lot. 
She changed the subject by saying: "... Would you terribly suffer to go to a concert? Without hacking the symphony that is..."

Volker

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« Reply #53 on: <08-16-18/1030:42> »
bnc sighs. "You know it's difficult if you change mood, topic and purpose every second or so. First you complain about how terrible the whole experience was, when I ask you tell some entirely unrelated story and when I ask you how one thing has to do with the other you tell me to get over it? I understand that you are a chaosmage, but could you try and stick to some kind of red thread? This is tiresome..."

bnc herself starts to dig into her sushi more carefully. At least three times too often, she found herself kneeling over the toilet, curled up and craving for painkillers or wishing that she could be kneeling over a toilet.

"A concert..? Actually, I'm in the mood for one. Do you have something in mind? Aw, jeez, it's been ages since I properly partied for the last time! Where would you take me?"
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gilga

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« Reply #54 on: <08-16-18/1552:43> »
She digs into her Sushi and seems disappointed that bnc cannot digest hers. "I have no problem with sleeping with the blood mage. My thought is not linear and is filled with contradictions, and associations... one leads to another. I don't have a problem with the Blood mage being a monster. It is the linkage between the concert he took me and murder that annoys me.  A linkage that I need to break somehow... I don't know if it makes sense.

You said that your first deck was named Renete? why did you name her like that? "

... After bnc returns from the toilet for the second time Anna comments.  "Since you are the brainiac, I'll give you an homework. Is there a health spell that can make you digest food better? If so, I'll study it for you, and I'll find a way to sustain it for as many hours as we need. You are missing out on one of the pleasures of life..."

She said "Tonight, we go dancing..." she smiled gingerly, and then adds "But there is a Mozart symphony on Wednesday - if you want to go with me."


Volker

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« Reply #55 on: <08-17-18/0353:07> »
# OoC I think there was a misunderstand. bnc is only eating slowlier and more careful as she had problem before. So far, the Sushi isn't causing any problems!

"Ah, now you're making sense. You want to break the association. That's not going to be too difficult. It's just a matter of undoing classical conditioning. What you have to do is to expose yourself to the conditioned stimulus without expierencing the unconditioned response, though I'd suggest you start with a stimulus similar yet not too similar to the previous lest the conditioned one perpetuates itself. Basically, what they do in behavioral therapy, I guess.
In other words: Go to concerts that don't remind you too much of the bloodshed and avoid getting into killings, enjoy yourself und you'll be fine in time."

bnc smiles when you ask her about her first deck. "The worst deck I know of is the Erika MCD-1. As my first tool - basically little more than a 'link with a stealth dongle - was not even a real Erika, I just called her Renate. It was meant to be nice.

I don't know of any health spells so far but I'm considering buying a nephritic screen. That might do the trick. But it doesn't really matter to me. I'm not so much into food, to be honest.

What, Mozart? You want to dance to frigging Mozart??"
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gilga

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« Reply #56 on: <08-18-18/0023:07> »
Anna listens "This is the most ordered thought I heard today, kind of like what a shrink would tell me. If I could trust one...

... Did you name your other decks? "


Anna laughs, and giggles when bnc mentions dancing to Mozart. "No, I invited you for a metal party at a new place named the Underground... There is a classical music concert later this week if you are into that."


OOC
Oh... sorry I misread it.

Volker

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« Reply #57 on: <08-19-18/0433:23> »
"By now you should be used to the fact the the most ordered thought of the day would be one I uttered."
bnc winks. "Y'know: I've had enough experience with shrinks to know what they are talking. And I've done enough research to get why. I also think it'd actually work if you brought up the discipline to get through with it ... and know which stuff is good and which not. Try and follow my prescription, and you'll see whether I'm right or not.

Actually, no: I never named my other decks. Think of it like this: Every girl remembers her first kiss. But who remembers the first kiss with the third dude? Erika was special. She was not a deck but she made all the difference between nothing and everything. She was my savior, my guardian angel, my hand in the clouds. She brought me here. The rest ... it was an upgrade, and a good and necessary one. But I wouldn't name my new deck any more than I'd name my cerebral booster. The only other thing I named is Tom here."
She smiles genuinely and taps her gun. "Although this little bugger is the reason why I lost my sister."

She sighs relieved. "Okay that's way better. The Underground sounds exactly like the place you'd want to go more or less unarmed when your head is worth several thousand nuyens... ahem. Yah, we'll do just fine, I guess. But classical music? No fragging way. There's more I can do with my time than that. Do you listen to classical??"
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gilga

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« Reply #58 on: <08-19-18/1227:16> »
She said "I am pretty sure we are way beyond a patient-therapist relationship, but I'll try. "

She listens to the deck story "Tom... I had an ambiguous feeling toward my first gun. It hurt me a lot, yet it offered power. How is Kerstain related to Tom?"

"I used to listen to classical until I met a certain Blood mage... I like neoclassical better, where computers help the conductor achieve perfection, by slightly timing the individual instruments. I used to beg by the opera house. So perhaps it is a bit of nostalgia."

"Though, the underground is great for tonight."



Volker

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« Reply #59 on: <08-21-18/2238:16> »
bnc rolls her eyes. "Stupid, you can never be beyond heeding advice from someone who knows better.

There's no direct connection. You know the story how they departed. It was me who brought Dmeyk to factcheck. I got to know him at the shooting range. He was my tutor. If I hadn't had Tom, I'd never have met Dmeyk, and neither would Kerstin have. Nothing of all of that crap would have happened."
She sighed, but also smiled. "And I would probably never have become a real bad-ass shadowrunner decker rigger freaking monster. Which is awesome I think."

bnc stuffed the last sushi into her mouth, carefully staying away from the wasabi.

"You used to be a beggar? How come, and how did you rise to become a student?"
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