[Critias]

"Woman's car attacked by self-identified 'high elf' battling evil."
The last thing the woman from Northeast Portland probably expected when she got up Tuesday morning was that she would be attacked by a sword-wielding elf.

The last thing the woman from Northeast Portland probably expected when she got up Tuesday morning was that she would be attacked by a sword-wielding elf.

But that's what happened around 7 a.m. as she drove her red BMW by the intersection of Southeast 7th and Morrison.

A man dressed in chain-mail with a helmet, shield and carrying a sword and staff ran into traffic and started attacking her car.

She called 911, reporting that "a pirate" was attacking her car.

When police got there, they detained Konrad Bass of Glendale, Oregon.

Bass told officers that he wasn't a pirate but a "high-elf engaged in battle with the evil Morgoth."

Morgoth is a character created by JRR Tolkien in a prequel to the Lord of the Rings stories. In the stories, he is the character from which all evil grew.

Bass, who was cited for criminal mischief and transported to Providence Hospital, also told officers he had taken LSD.

The woman's car had several puncture marks.

Yeah, that's right!  Ancients in the house!  Portland, north-side, represent!  KEEBLAHS GOT BLADES ALL UP IN HERE!

The last thing the woman from Northeast Portland probably expected when she got up Tuesday morning was that she would be attacked by a sword-wielding elf.

And that was her first mistake.  C'mon, lady.  You live in the capital city of Tir Tairngire, and you don't expect to get attacked by sword-wielding elves? 

[SlowDeck]

Most people are not paranoid enough.

[Trojan]

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don't do Kamikaze.

[CanRay]

I fear for the (meta)human race.

[Namikaze]

ROFLMAO awesome.  That just made my day.

[Sendaz]

I do not recall in anywhere in 'The Silmarillion' about Morgoth being able to take the form of a BMW, but maybe I have been reading the abridged versions. 

 

[Starglyte]

Only in Portland, OR.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnVjkE87FDY

[farothel]

Only in Portland, OR.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnVjkE87FDY

He's only doing what it says on the sign behind him. 

[Crimsondude]

They stole that from Austin.

[Trojan]

They stole that from Austin.

Meh, they can have it.  We lost Leslie and don't have any unicycling bagpipe-playing Darth Vaders... I think they win.

[Herohades]

That must be incredibly difficult to explain to the insurance companies:
"Yes, an elf wearing armor attacked my car with a sword and a staff declaring it was Morgoth and police had to detain him. Yes, the police will tell you the some thing. No, the asylum does not need to get involved."

[Crimsondude]

Not in Portland.

[Sengir]

That must be incredibly difficult to explain to the insurance companies:
"Yes, an elf wearing armor attacked my car with a sword and a staff declaring it was Morgoth and police had to detain him. Yes, the police will tell you the some thing. No, the asylum does not need to get involved."

Also sounds like a great way to delay police response...

[Sendaz]

true, which gets higher priority.

Bank robbery in progress or crazed katana wielding elf playing bonus round Street Fighter (the one where you trash the car)  across town?

[Herohades]

Maybe Goblinization is occuring early.