Shadowrun Play > Character creation and critique

Comments please: Bypass

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Walks Through Walls:
This is a character idea I have been toying with for a while. Any feedback ideas/thoughts are welcome. Thanks in advance:

Name: Jack Sereno
Alias/street name: Bypass
Race: Ork (20 pts)
Sex: Male
Ethnic: Itallian
Mage- Living Element tradition (mix of druidic and wuxing theoligies with a bit of wiccan(Goddess)  uses Wil+ Int)

Jack grew up on the tough streets of Detroit. He joined a group of magically active martial artists. They focused on the use of magic as an extension of the body, and the martial arts as a delivery system for touch spells. This martial art style became dubbed Mage Touch and is primarily used by mages though some physical adepts with elemental effects use it also. He has a bit of a Robin Hood streak to him in that he feels that the Mega-Corps take advantage of the common man

Attributes (190 + 40= 230 pts)
Body:       4
Agility:   4(9)
Reaction:   2
Strength:   6
Charisma:   3
Intuition:   5
Logic:      3
Willpower:   5
Edge:      1
Magic:      5
Initiative   7(9)  Passes 1(3)

Positive Qualities: (25 pts)
Mage   (15 pts)
Restricted gear (level 5 sustaining focus 5pts)
Martial Arts level 1 (5 pts)

Negative Qualities: (-35 pts)
SINer criminal (10 pts)
Spirit Bane (Beast Spirits 10 pts)
Simsense Vertigo (10 pts)
Data Shadow level 1 (5 pts)

Active Skills: (84 pts)
Firearms group   1
Conjuring group   1
Spellcasting       6
Unarmed combat   4
Assensing      1
Astral Combat      1
Counter spelling   1
Perception      1
Pilot ground craft   1
Watchful guard maneuver
Disarm maneuver   

Knowledge Skills: (24pts free)
English    Native
Or’Zet            3
Spell Design         3
Seattle Ork Underground   2
Orkish Underground Politics   3
Magical Threats      3
Insect Spirits         4
Seattle Gang Turfs      2
Ancient Alchemy      2
Magical Theologies      2


Spells: (36 pts)
Heal
Increase Reflexes
Increase Agility
Mindnet
Decrease Reaction
Knockout
Death Touch
Nova (light elemental area effect)
Shocking Hand (electrical Touch)
Thunderclap (Sound Touch)
Sandpaper (Sand Touch)
Smokestack (Smoke Touch)

Gear: (31 pts – Including 8 for bonding foci)
Sustaining focus rating 5 Health spells (Increase Agility)
Sustaining focus rating 3 Health spells (Increase Reflexes)
Middle Lifestyle – 1 month paid
5 flash grenades
3 flash bang grenades
2 fragmentation grenades
3 thermal smoke grenades
Novatech Airwave w/ Novatech Navi O/S
Contact Lenses w/ flare compensation and smartgun link
Mage sight goggles
Form Fitting Full-body suit
Secure tech PPP forearm guards, leg  and arm casings and virals protectors
Ulysses Line Coat
Actioneer Business Clothes
2 pairs plasteel restraints
Earbuds
Subvocal mike
Medkit level 6
GPS
Certified Credstick
Glasses w/ ultrasound vision enhancement

Ares Predator IV (stock)
Nitama Optimun (stock)
30 rounds Ex-explosive
20 rounds stick-n-shock
20 rounds hollow points
20 rounds shock lock rounds
10 rounds silver bullets
10 rounds subsonic
150 rounds regular ammo
5 extra magazines for each gun


Vehicle:
Suzuki Mirage

Fake SIN rating 4:    John Caponi
Fake license rating 4: automatic weapons permit
Fake license rating 4: carry concealed permit
Fake license rating 4: Magic Use registration

Contacts: (9 pts)
Fixer       L:2   C:3
Tailismonger   L:1   C:1
Sensai      L:1   C:1

Sonarean:
Overall, I think this is an awesome idea, but there are some things that you might want to look at.  Here they are, in no particular order:

Would this concept work better as a Mystic Adept instead of a full Magician?  (Just a thought, given how you're going for the more martial artist route)

I'd get rid of the grenades.  Without the Throwing Weapons skill, you're defaulting and are almost more of a danger to yourself than to your enemy.

You also don't need the Firearms skill group if you're only using it for pistols and automatics.  That frees up 2BP. 
(You may even contemplate ditching one of the guns entirely.)

You might want to shore up the combat skills you do have as you shouldn't rely so much on Increase Agility.  (Statistically, you're only going to average 3-4 hits any time you cast it.)

Picking up Dodge would be an excellent idea.

Picking up a social skill might be a good idea.

If I were the GM, I'd probably ask you to reconsider the Data Shadow negative quality, same with Simsense Vertigo.  You're basically never going to be on the Matrix, so they aren't really going to impact you at all.

anotherJack:
I agree with the mystic adept option. You could too take some specializations (unarmed combat).
And I defenitely don't understand character with less than 3 in edge ^^" edge is just the thing that gets you out of trouble when you need it, the little booster to apply when you have too.
Take drugs too ! good willpower, good body, an awakened drug that allow you to fight better will fit with the character's concept.
Grenades are cool ("to each problem its grenade"), but since you don't have the thrown weapon's skill, you should at least take the armor spell to protect yourself before using them.

Walks Through Walls:
Thanks for the feedback so far. I may ditch the damage grenades and just keep the flash and smoke ones. I'm thinking of getting rid of the bike and pilot skill in order to pick up a couple other skills. I'm thinking dodge and possibly etiquette.

I thought about making him a physical adept or mystic adept, but don't think I can get the type of build I'm looking for out of it. I may well get rid of the sustaining focus for the increase reflexes and go the combat drugs route. I could then switch out the spell for something else too, or use the points for specializations.

I understand that the spell will only get 3-4 successes when cast which is one of the reasons behind the sustaining focus for it.

From what I read on data shadow it seemed to me to say that it is easier to find information on the character in the matrix. Did I just misunderstand it?

Sonarean:
You are correct on Data Shadow.  That was my mistake.  I apologize.

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