Collection of short short stories

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« on: <06-12-14/0058:43> »
These are a few shorts that I wanted to be fast and quick to the point like the stories at the beginning of most chapters in most of the books. I am just getting back in the habit of writing speculative fiction and I'd be happy to read any constructive criticism as I know they are a little rough.

The Wyrm Ouroboros

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« Reply #1 on: <06-16-14/0600:02> »
There's ... no life to them.  You're clearly borrowing from other sources - 'Dresden Files' being the one that lept out at me several times - but they read like a technician describing the working of a clock.  'Wheel A made one revolution.  That made Wheel B make six revolutions, and Wheel C seven.  Wheel B caused ..."  Virtually all writing except for technical writing requires you to create a bond between your subject matter - for fiction writing, that's your characters - and the reader.  You have to create interest in what they're doing, why they're doing it; you have to make them humans (or orks, trolls, etc.) instead of automatons.

You also don't sink your teeth into what needs to be explained, but you explain that which doesn't - like the information about what an adept is.  Remember that for this, your target audience is very likely to be a Shadowrun player.  Don't explain who Lofwyr is; we know him.  Instead, explain who Clyde the Butcher is, and why he's got a meat cleaver down by the West Channel docks.  And if you're going to use something, make sure you know everything you can about that something; a young woman (14 or not) who practices chaos magic is not going to have a father and a grandfather who were chaos magicians; that style of magic didn't exist until the 2060's.

I'm also somewhat leery of Supergirl and Superman in Whitestaff and Blaze, but that's a different issue, and one which I fall somewhat prey to myself; it has been pointed out that Hawatari (in Pananagutan), despite the fact that in the 'Then' portion of the story (2052) she is essentially a starting PC, has something of an overly-competent / Mary Sue aspect about her; she fights, she shoots, she has magic (well, later on), everyone likes her (Suno doesn't count, she doesn't like anyone), yadda yadda, so it's something I'm editing for.

Last but not least, watch your tenses.  Don't go from 'he walked' to 'he runs'.
Pananagutan & End/Line

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