I think the format is a step in the right direction.
Some thoughts in no particular order:
1) I'd probably left justify all the columns on the skill table. In other words, don't center Attributes and Dice Pool.
2) There seems to be some inconsistency about what's included in the final dice pool. For example, you included the Intimidation bonus from Thunderbird but not the Improved Ability dice for Blades.
3) Many people find that new players have an easier time with passive powers (Improved Reflexes, Combat Sense) than active powers (Adrenaline Boost, Attribute Boost) that they may not know to use. I'm not saying you can't include them, but I would echo my previous advice of a short section with tips on "how to play this character".
4) I would have concerns around the drain for Adrenaline Boost. Right now this chummer here is only going to soak half of it on average, and a 3-box hit of drain is going to taste sour to many players, especially new players. If this were a bigger troll - what does a troll with minimum Body and maximum Strength look like anyway? - then it would be less of a concern, but right now chummer is going to get slapped with drain almost every time he/she pops Adrenaline Boost.
5) It'd be advantageous to separate qualities into Positive and Negative. I had to look up Watch the Suit. When I did, I was reminded that it was a positive quality, not a negative one. When I first saw it on the sheet, I thought the description was an imperative: "stay clean in a fight" ... OR ELSE. I was confusing it with Social Appearance Anxiety, which - for the record - would be an interesting quality for a character who specializes in getting elbow-deep in his or her opponents.
6) An interesting variation on this character would be to specialize in Throwing Weapons instead of Blades. That would give the character a ranged option and would still let them hit hard. Maybe not like a sniper rifle, as you say in the notes, but perhaps like an assault rifle. Missile Mastery and Precision Throwing are fun powers. Plus, I find that new players often like characters that can be dangerous in any situation. (I presume this is why so many of them take Skills A and then max out the Firearms skill group.)
7) What is Death Dealer? That's not ringing a bell for me.
8) You need a comma and a space after "Camping" instead of the new line you have right now. There's other funny formatting too. Currently "Troll" and "Nuyen" are next to each other with no punctuation. I spent a moment thinking, "WTF is Troll Nuyen? A typo for Total Nuyen?" But, no, just Chummer formatting with spaces instead of new lines.
9) Don't forget the Intimidation bonus from the custom ballistic mask.
10) He has ¥990 but only an R1 commlink? Was that intentional or did he just roll like a boss on his Low lifestyle starting nuyen?
That's all for now. Keep them coming.