Author Topic: Usda Beph  (Read 1411 times)

Usda Beph

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Usda Beph
« on: (13:09:12/09-10-10) »
I have wrote a few stories with the BattleCorps Legion, so here is a small intro for my Character. I know I need more discription for him, but I kinda want to save that for a fight scene. :D

The streets were dark and rainy on the outskirts of Seattle. The large dark figure's Scorpion splashed through puddles as its engine's rumble disturbed the evenings calm. The Newcomer parked his bike in front of a seedy looking coffin motel. Seedy true but less so than the one outside of el Toro. As the engine went silent the figure sat for a moment as if waiting for the darkness of the city streets to pounce at him. He pulled back his hood revealing his bovine features, lifting his muzzle to the sky he sniffed several times, grunted and stood. His broad horned head reached over three meters from the ground and his dark eyes scanned for anything his nose had missed.

Reaching back he grabbed his seabag off the back of his bike and shouldered the large mass without a sign of strain. His cloven hooves marking his long purposeful strides with deep resounding clops as he walked towards the motels' office. As he reached the window He saw the youthful looking elf "manager". She was face down in a local smut rag, her headphones were blasting some "New Age" touchy feely crap leaving the poor thing oblivious to how startled outta her wits she was about to be.

The stranger lightly rapped on the two foot thick glass. The wall shook as though it would collapse from the impact. The elf's hair changed colors four times before she stopped screaming, "I need a bed." The stranger's voice boomed low and deep as he depressed the squawks talk button.

"Feck Mister you scared the Frell outta me!" the girl squeaked. "Anyone with you?" She asked as she looks around behind the massive Minotaur.

"No just me and my bike." He rumbled.

"How long you staying? She asked.

"Just the night."

"Ok you're in Four. That'll be 25 yen up front." The elf said.

The Minotaur reached into his midnight black trench coat's pocket and fished out a credstick and waved it over the old worn looking reader. He slipped it back into his coat and pulled out a card, "Know how I get here?" The beasts' voice rumbled.

"The Ram? That old dive is over on Northgate Way by the mall. Why do you wanna go there?" She said looking annoyed.

"Got a job interview, I'm a cook." The stranger said.

"Righhht, a cook." The elf woman muttered as the man mountain shambled towards his room.
« Last Edit: (13:11:34/09-10-10) by Usda Beph »
Yeah, I'm A Minotaur! You Gotta Beef with that?
I'm a Minotaur not a bully!
I studied at the Rocky Mountain Culinary School.I specialized in Seafood.
My Dad worked out of el Toro In New Mexico.

Usda Beph

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Re: Usda Beph
« Reply #1 on: (10:56:42/09-29-10) »
Goodness. I didn't think my writing was that bad! :-[ I have thick skin folks, let me have it. ;D
Yeah, I'm A Minotaur! You Gotta Beef with that?
I'm a Minotaur not a bully!
I studied at the Rocky Mountain Culinary School.I specialized in Seafood.
My Dad worked out of el Toro In New Mexico.

Devil

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Re: Usda Beph
« Reply #2 on: (11:19:33/09-29-10) »
Nah, I read this and enjoyed it. It's interesting. I just didn't have anything novel to say about it. It's mildly comedic, while maintaining a dark presence. The characters are interesting. Beph is large and intimidating, but doing what he can to minimize the girl's fear. He seems to be unfazed by her horrification as if he's used to it. He has an air of weariness, which I'd guess as coming from a long day in the midst of a hard life. It's hard to gauge how much is going on upstairs with this character in this particular piece, even though you can follow his train of thought. The emphasis on his imperfections was amusing.

Happy now?  :P

FastJack

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Re: Usda Beph
« Reply #3 on: (11:37:01/09-29-10) »
It's "udder" crap! It's a steaming pile of "bull"! It needs more cowbell! ;D

Actually, I liked it. Gimme more!

Usda Beph

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Re: Usda Beph
« Reply #4 on: (07:16:26/10-01-10) »
It's "udder" crap! It's a steaming pile of "bull"! It needs more cowbell! ;D

Actually, I liked it. Gimme more!
Oh DUUUUUUUDE! I totaly forgot about CowBells! :-[ ;D

Joker, at the time I wasn't even sure what was going on upstairs! ;) Usda is just evolving out of the concept phase, so internal motives haven't quite developed yet. I have decided on what my next piece is & I think I should have it up by the end of the day.
Yeah, I'm A Minotaur! You Gotta Beef with that?
I'm a Minotaur not a bully!
I studied at the Rocky Mountain Culinary School.I specialized in Seafood.
My Dad worked out of el Toro In New Mexico.