[Sterling]

So...

Last night my Gaming Group imploded and disintegrated.  Let me give you a little background; I am disabled following an accident and have to use a wheelchair.  I can no longer drive and my wife has never learned.  For this reason the group met at my home no matter who was actually running a game.  Since 80% of the time it was me as GM with the occasional break this seemed like it was an ideal situation.  Since we were hosting my wife and I would also lay on snacks and soft drinks, but asked the rest of the group to provide anything else (the odd pizza, beers on occasion, that sort of thing).

A couple of weeks ago one of the players complained about having to trek over all the time and wanted to host the game at their house instead.  My wife and I explained that we wouldn't be able to attend, which prompted an accusation that I was just playing on my disability to make the others feel bad, and why couldn't we get a taxi?  We had to end the game early because we wanted to talk this out, and by the end of the night it seemed we had resolved the situation.

Last night the topic came up again.  Rather than go over the same arguments again my wife bluntly asked if this was because the others didn't want to game with us any more.  The answer was that they were happy to game with us, but felt we were in too much control of the group because we always hosted.  I asked for examples, but none were forthcoming.  The end result was that the group decided to play the next campaign at the other Player's house.

The final straw came when the original player then said he would be happy to carry on gaming at my home if I provided the pizza and beer.  I asked if he was joking, his response was that since it was this or no gaming at all I should be grateful.  The other players either agreed or stayed silent.

We asked them to leave.

At no point were voices raised, there was no name-calling or swearing, in fact it was all very calm, as though this was the result they wanted.  This now means I have no group and being house-bound no other real social life.

This may seem like I'm looking for sympathy, but that's not the reason for the post.  Rather, I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions?

[Lucean]

It seems as if a money issue could be involved. How big are the distances they have to travel to your home? Would another host make distances shorter for everyone? Because depending on the distance they might have the impression that their part (travel) is already costly enough so that you should indeed provide more than snacks and soft drinks.

If they want to play elsewhere, what about you getting fetched by one of the other players?
Getting pizza or other prepared food can become expensive over time. What about preparing meals of your own either circulating order or each providing some ingredients?

[Sterling]

Just to explain, I'm based in the UK, so the perception of the travel distances involved is different than if we were, for example, based in the US.

(Like the saying goes, in the USA a hundred years is a long time, in the UK a hundred miles is a long way.)

The furthest distance involved in travelling to my home is around 20 miles.  The player who is insisting on hosting is about 15 miles away.  A taxi would cost my wife and I £48.00 each way, based on UK Taxi rates.  One of the players will have to travel around 25 miles to the new location.

None of the other players have a vehicle that would fit my wheelchair plus the two of us.

[Sendaz]

I currently reside in the UK as well so I get some of what you are saying. 

How long do your sessions run and how late?

Is there a central location to most of you that has a game store that maybe you could maybe run the game at?  We have a couple of game stores in our town centre and not that far from the train station so you wouldn't need to use a taxi and they have play areas for people to hold weekly game sessions in.  That way it is a bit more neutral territory and you might pick up additional gamers as well as people pop through the shop.

Alternatively you may want to look at maybe using video conferencing style play, so if they are playing at their house you could link in over a computer and vice versa.
Now I will freely admit I do not know the exact ins and out on this, but it could open up your player pool this way and am sure someone here might even know how to set something like this up.

[Sterling]

Again I run into the problem of accessibility.

The local train station is not wheelchair accessible.  From the National Rail Enquiries website:

Staff help available: Yes
Ramp for train access: No
Step free access coverage: No
Step free access note: Access to the platforms is via four flights of steps (approx 40 to each platform)

Passengers for stations towards Ascot and Alton are advised to use Aldershot station. Passengers for stations towards London Waterloo are advised to use Woking station.

 Wheelchairs available: No

The local Game Shop is in Aldershot (so no trains), and in any case the Game Rooms are up flights of stairs.  The local Gaming Society meets in a Scout Hut 10 miles away.

I'm already registered on Roll20, but there are no games at all in the GMT time zone.

For all these reason face-to-face has been my best solution.

[Lucean]

So since it was brought up repeatedly by the same player with the addition of asking you to pay for his food, this seems like an issue between him and you or your wife. Could it be more related to your style of gaming or rather something more personal?
Try to find out what ticked him off.

[Kincaid]

I have to believe that something else (obviously something you're unaware of) is at work here.  Asking anyone to shell out $147 to travel to play a game on a semi-regular basis is unimaginable to me.  To ask it of someone for whom options are limited is...well, it's upsetting, to put it mildly.

My US brain has a hard time wrapping itself around the distance issue (and I lived in Europe for a bit).  I drive ~40 miles each way to play Shadowrun 1/month and I'm the guy who brings the doughnuts.

The silence of the others makes me wonder to what extent they support this idea and to what extent they simply found the confrontation uncomfortable.  I'd reach out to them individually and see what each one is thinking.  It may be that your group can continue, just with a slightly different composition.

[Backgammon]

What about playing remotely, online? I'll readily admit meeting in person is way more fun, having the pizza, etc. There is a very fun social aspect to it. BUT, I myself used to play at my company, we'd all say late and play in a conference room. But most of us left that company, and we all live pretty far apart. So we switched to meeting virtually, using Roll20.net and GotoMeeting to dial-in using VOIP.

It's not quite the same, but we all stay in touch and keep playing. It's maybe 10% less fun than in person. Not a huge deal. So, it seems like a pretty good solution here. I mean, your group acted pretty much like dickheads, but assuming you still want to play with them, that should satisfy them, no?

[Imveros]

If they truly have no issue with you as a group member then maybe you could telecommute to game? We had one of our players in a past game go to Seattle for 3 weeks and while he was there we set our laptop at the end of the table and used Skype and cameras to pretend he was still there.

Alternatively, if you have most of the GMing experience, put out a few advertisements and this and other SR boards and I'm sure you can find people in your time zone or people who are willing to play at the times you are. A good GM is hard to find people will jump at the chance if you let them

[Namikaze]

Sterling, sounds like you guys are in a bit of a pickle.  Based on what you've said in your posts, it seems like you and your wife have done everything right.  I wonder though, were these players friends of yours before you started playing, or are they just bodies that fill a void?  Any rational person would understand the situation you're in, and hopefully you and your wife explained things calmly and logically.  I have a feeling though that there are some emotions involved, and when people think emotionally they lose all sense of rationale.  If this one person is the one with the issue, then kick his ass out of the game.  If it's more than one person, then you might consider bringing up the limitations that you face.

It is possible that you won't be able to play with this group anymore.  It's happened to all of us, but this reasoning seems like the group is full of dirtbags.  Or at least one dirtbag.  It's very possible that the issue is simple: they don't want to go so far.  And if that's the case, there's nothing you can do about it.  Just don't make them feel guilty for not wanting to drive all the way to your place all the time.  The worst thing that can be done is playing (intentionally or not) the "woe is me I'm disabled" card.  No one likes that kind of thing, even if they don't say it.  It might get you results immediately, but it will build a ton of resentment and result in an even bigger implosion down the road.

Speaking of the roads - what the hell, England?  No ramps at public transportation hubs?  That's standard in the US.  Oh, Sterling there's a solution: move to the US.    But seriously, bugger this guy.  He sounds like an insensitive dick who can't think of anyone but himself.  Maybe there's more to it, but with the information at hand, that's how he appears.

[Sterling]

This was a group put together about 2 years ago after we advertised at the local game shop, so no, we didn't know each other before we started gaming.  We've actually lost touch with our gaming friends from before my accident (I was in hospital for 18 months recovering), plus being of the older generation of gamers a couple have since passed away.

I've spoken to two of the group today.  These two had stayed quiet during the conversation last night so I felt they might be the best to approach to try and find out what was going on.  Suffice to say the problem does appear to be related to my lack of mobility.  One example given was how long the game gets held up if I need to use the bathroom.  Believe me, if I could speed that process up I would! 

The rest of the group have already decided to carry on without me or my wife, so problem solved!

If I can get the nerve up I'm going to advertise on Roll20 for a group.

[Namikaze]

Well, it sounds like this wasn't the ideal resolution, but at least it's a resolution.  I would strongly advise using Roll20 or some other service to find a teleconference game.  My group will use Google Hangouts for a person if they're not available sometimes.  It isn't a perfect solution, but it at least works.  I am really sorry this happened to you, Sterling.  It sounds like this might have been brewing for a while, so hopefully in the future your groups are more ... open about their feelings.

[Reaver]

Hate to come out and say it Sterling, but, you met a bunch of inconsiderate jerks.

Due to my line of work, I know and are friends with people who have similar disabilities, and sadly most of the world can't handle it

But that's their short comings and not yours. Put it behind you, move on and hopefully the next batch will be a little more open minded and understanding.

[Backgammon]

Hey Sterling, I was eating a grilled cheese and pondering how this situation rubs me the wrong way. I had an idea. Do you play with one character in particular? Like, what's your character's street name in your SR games? It's not much, but what I'd like to do is insert your character into one of the SR books I'm working on - probably Data Trails at this point. Maybe some shadow comments or something. It's not much, but at least you can tell to people you meet on Roll20 that "that guy from the book is based on me". It's kind of cool right, should give you a little street cred. I can use "Sterling" too, if you like. That's a pretty cool name, I could work with that.

[All4BigGuns]

Perhaps it may help if you suggested even distributing the costs associated with all food and beverages consumed during the game amongst the entirety of the group.

Though, it does seem as though this particular group is scattered to the four winds with regard to distance to one another. I know that with fuel prices as they are, I wouldn't be able to make such a lengthy trip on such a regular basis.